WED
11PM
I AM HAFJAK DIVIZ
I KNOW HOW TO BLOG NOW
THANK YOU GANNIE
WONDER QUEST POSTS COMING UP
BUT FIRST--MY DREAM:
I RARELY REMEMBER MY DREAMS
EVERY TIME I HAVE THIS ONE I WANT TO FORGET IT
BUT NOT THIS TIME
I'M IN A ROOM
ITS DARK--MUSTY--LIKE AN ATTIC OR A BASEMENT
CANT SEE MUCH
JUST SILHOUETTES OF FORGOTTEN THINGS PILED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER
ABANDONED
THERE IT IS--ON THE FLOOR--CRAWLING IN THE DUST
MISSHAPEN--STARVING
SO TINY
LITTLE BABY
POOR WRETCHED THING
SUCH PITY FOR IT
BUT DON'T WANT TO TOUCH IT
DUST AND DEBRIS CLING TO ITS SKIN
THE SPINE AND RIBS SHOW RIGHT THROUGH
TATTERED RAG WRAPPED ROUND
THE BODY IS SO TINY--BUT UNEVEN
ONE ARM SWOLLEN--THE OTHER STUNTED-LESS FINGERED-BONE THIN
ITS HEAD IS SO LARGE IT CANT BE LIFTED
SITS ON THE FLOOR LIKE A LUMPY ROTTING MELON
THROUGH THIN WISPS OF HAIR STARES A BULGING MILKY EYE
IS THERE INTELLIGENCE IN THE EYE? ACCUSATION?
I MOVE CLOSER TO THE BABY
THE TWISTED MOUTH OOZES AND SLURPS
LITTLE WHITE TEETH POKING FROM MOUNTAINS OF PINK GUMS
HOW IS IT STILL ALIVE?
I LEFT IT HERE AMONGST ALL THE THINGS I HAVE LEFT BEHIND
I LEFT HER HERE TO DIE
TO DRY AND CRUMBLE
TO BE FORGOTTEN
I LEAN OVER THE LITTLE LUMPY FETUS
NEAR DEAD BUT NEVER DYING
"HOW DO YOU SURVIVE?" I ASK
"WHAT DO YOU EAT?"
LITTLE ARM POINTS UP--I LOOK
THERE ARE THREE BAGS OF CHEAP CHEESE PUFFS ON A DUSTY TABLE
THEY ARE NEW UNOPENED
I LEFT THEM THERE
I LEAN OVER HER
I DO NOT TOUCH HER
I JUST STARE AT THE LITTLE TEETH
THE BUMPY SPINE
THE BLIND BULGING EYE
SOON I WILL LEAVE HER--FORGET HER
BUT RIGHT NOW I AM WITH HER
KNOWING THAT I AM THE REASON WHY SHE IS HERE
WHY SHE HAS NOT GROWN
WHY SHE IS PAINFULLY DEFORMED
I AM THE REASON WHY
I HAVE HAD THIS DREAM MANY TIMES
BUT THIS TIME WAS DIFFERENT
THIS TIME I KNEW THE BABY WAS FEMALE
AND SHE HAD GROWN
WHEN I AWOKE
I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF MY DOG WHOSE EARS I NEGLECT TO CLEAN
WHOSE TEETH I DO NOT BRUSH
WHOM I RARELY WALK
I THINK OF ALL THE WOMEN IN MY LIFE
GIRLS
THEY DESERVED PRINCES
BUT THEY GOT ME
I WRONGED THEM ALL
GUILT
NEGLECT
CAUSES FOR DREAM:
SPAGHETTI MEAT SAUCE BEFORE SLEEPING
GUILT-REGRET
BEEN IN CONTACT WITH EX-GIRLFIENDS SINCE WIFE'S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION
WRONGED THEM ALL
BASTARD BOY
HAVE I CHANGED?
PROBABLY NOT
THATS WHY SHE VISITS ME
LITTLE BABY
I AM HAFJAK DIVIZ
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